When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
