My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
