Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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