i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
