I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
