no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
