Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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