For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
