a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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