He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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