Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
