So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
