It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
