I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
