y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
