Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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