That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
