Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
