There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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