that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
