I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
