Nicole vs. Life
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My balls are so social today.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
