I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
