oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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