physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
