One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
