THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
