..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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