You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My ass is underappreciated
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
