they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
did you just send me my own nude
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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