i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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