your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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