I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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