There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
