If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
