She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
