You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
