lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
