Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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