What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
