ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
