I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
