omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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