i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
