He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
