if you like me you must not know who I am
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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