you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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