I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
