Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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