fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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