Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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